what is a dream ? how do dreams differ from aspirations ? we’re all guilty of misconstruing the meaning of a dream , something that’s unattainable , something we wish for , something impossible , instead as a goal concentrated around either corporate america or america’s corporate opinion on where we’d each fit best , that we’re trying to achieve and truly intend on reaching . that’s not a dream . that’s a plan . and I feel like this is where my idea of life differs from that of people like my mother and some of my friends . plans have no room for spontaneity or all-of-a-suddens , that’s why there’s the alternate , plan b , c , x , and y . so we choose the road towards medicine , law , journalism , business , entertainment because we need a plan . parents always want to know before they can keep supporting you what’s your plan . well what if I don’t have a plan ? and what if I don’t like their plan ? then I have to decide how much of an effort I feel like sacrificing trying to listen to my own thoughts , holding on to nothing and not trusting the foundation of damn near anything . because that’s just unheard of . but why do we have to be going some where ? why can’t we just wait till we end up there ? I would never take anything from me . deprive myself of any opportunity . but what harm would it do to just to wait for the right one to come along instead of strategically planning on how to get it ? it would lead to a disastrous failure . but there are certain people and certain aspects of my life that I didn’t ask for , or pursue , or plot on that I consider more important than anything else right now . but they don’t go with the plan . something in me tells me that I’m not supposed to let them go , even though those people and those things could be fatal to the milestones I’ve already reached down that other road . they don’t go with the plan because they ask for the same passion and attention I show to things that are supposed to be more important . and inevitably that doesn’t seem to work since you can’t spread your 100% over too many things before it’s not enough . they don’t go with the plan because they are my normal and not your normal . my normal is making things happen , living fast , feeding my own fire . I don’t have priorities , everything has a purpose . and something’s gonna have to shake before a crash and burn . there’s a spirit somewhere trying to tell me something , because the world responds to me like a parasite . I’m grateful for it all , but I ain’t ask y’all for some of this . especially now that y’all are looking for the results of your investments . that’s what we all do it for right ? every give wants a take . regardless of your interpreted state of your soul . what I do is straight with me . but I’ll run out of fingers trying to count the people it’s not . everyone gets paranoid around other people when they’re blatantly going against the plan . why do I have to hide what I consider the most interesting parts of my life ? this shit ain’t who I am , but it’s who I am , you feel me ? it all means something different to me , everything i do satisfies a piece of my soul . but before the next person wants to allow this to be a possibility , i’m labeled with a warning sign . “i’ve lost it and I’m known to make bad decisions .” even though i’m standing here without a scratch or a residual of a repercussion of a “bad decision” . I heard once that I’m playing with fate by living like I’m invincible cuz one day God’s gonna turn His back on me . and I can’t understand that because I don’t think I’m living wrong . we blame Eve for eating the forbidden fruit , but if they were the first to walk in our world , in the context of her era , who established the difference between right and wrong , yes and no ? she trusted herself and decided her right . I try to live this way , loving myself enough to believe in me . i don’t think of what’s gonna happen down the line because who am i to say that i’m gonna make it that far ? but that’s not a part of the plan . the plan is to get an education , equal to or better than that of your peers , to prove something (we haven’t figured this out yet) , then to climb your way to the goal you’ve been working towards . with some shimmer and noise-makers along the way . and the driving force behind the plan is time . time will never be on your side so anything outside the plan seems pointless . and there’s no telling how much we have . but I just have one thing to say to my plan : I ain’t down . we all hungry . we all wanna eat . why I gotta get fed like everybody else ? that’s all I want to prove . but I can’t fill up one hand counting the number of people that don’t mind how I wanna get mine , despite how closely I follow a plan . but even you reading this can’t wait to see me fail . so what we need dreams for ?
the picture you’ve all been waiting for . I live for and through this woman . she’s my pulse . my down for whatever . my ride or die . you deserve it all boo . #HappyMothersDay 🌹💖
Mommy Gina and I Making Strides Against Breast Cancer . 🎀💗 #makingstrides #breastcancer #memorialhermann (at Reliant Stadium)
my safe haven of a bedroom . i missed this place ! can’t wait to empty it and recreate it in Atlanta . lol (at cherry forest dr 🍒🌳)
she’s the peanut butter to my jelly .
I’m unclear of the way he loves me , if he still does .
the one guy I want to be with may not be here when I get back .
my mom doesn’t think I can live on my own .
when I’m in her bed , I feel like I’m disconnected from the whole world .
I like doing drugs . so I’ve latched on to a Rico Suave dope dealer who gives me whatever I want , but no substance .
if I don’t get a B or higher in all my classes , I’m toast .
being me is an exhausting and unpredictable blessing that I can’t even begin to describe .
I don’t have anyone to watch my fish while I’m gone .
I can’t wait to get back to Atlanta and I haven’t even left yet .