title optional .
I liked seeing the world differently than everybody else . but was that me running from everything ? I attributed how misunderstood I was to me just being different , but do I even fully understand myself ? I’ve idolized my father from the time my heart made it’s first beat . when he left me for 6 years , I didn’t blame him . people tried to fill my head with thoughts about who he really was and what he was capable and incapable of . I refused it all , calling them all liars , including my mother . but his homecoming wasn’t what I expected and he’s turned into a complete stranger . whenever I would present and issue , he would assure me “it’s not as bad as it sounds” . any negativity I felt towards him I dismissed as hard as I could because I needed him like an every-now-and-again crutch . I thought our relationship was one of the FEW things I could always fall back on , but now I feel like a statistic without a father and I am sick down to my spirit . I feel like I’ve lost my grip on my entire life because I trusted him for guidance and advice , now looking back at all the things I’ve done because he said I should may all have been terrible ideas . which has me filled with panic , fear , and regret and I don’t know where to go from here .